The One Thing
by leopardstarismyleader
Summary: Gokudera is bitter at a world that never showed him love. When he loses the closest thing he has to it, how will Yamamoto help him on his path to healing? 8059, 6927, one-sided 5927.
1. Devastation

**I wrote this fanfiction. And then my computer crashed. AND I LOST IT.**

**I am so pissed. **

**But I'm going to try to rewrite it anyways. It won't be as good as the first version, but…**

**I can't even find the quote I used as the quote prompt. DAMN. It was something along the lines of:**

"_Love does not hurt. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Envy hurts. Love is the one thing that does not."_

I can remember the last time someone told me they loved me, and they meant it.

It was a week before my fourth birthday. My mom, who had come over for piano lessons, knelt down and gave me a big hug, telling me she loved me.

And when she died a week later, my father decided to drop the act of pretending to love his bastard child. All the caring and affection went over to Bianchi, his true daughter.

And I hated him for it.

Even the person I viewed as a mentor didn't care. He always pushed me away so he would have more times to spend with his "sisters".

Bastard.

When I went to Japan, I was expecting to be rejected again by the youngest candidate for the Vongola Tenth. It wouldn't be a surprise.

What was a surprise was that he accepted me into the Family with a smile.

I developed my first real crush that day.

It didn't surprise me that I was gay, not in the slightest; after all the shit that I had gone through with my false mother and my sister, it wasn't a surprise that I wasn't attracted to girls.

I spent as much time as I could around the one person who had accepted me. I tossed and turned at night, my head filled with images of Tsuna's smiling face. I had to spend a great deal of time hiding erections that appeared whenever Tsuna laughed.

I wanted to kiss those smiling lips so badly. But I didn't want to be rejected again by the person I had come to love. After all, he was straight. He had a huge crush on Sasagawa. So I merely smiled and stayed by his side, and left our couplings to my late night fantasies.

When Yamamoto befriended Tsuna, I felt a rage of jealousy. The baseball player could bring smiles to Tsuna's face much more easily that I could, and I was pissed. Why wouldn't he smile like that for me?

And as time went on, in order to spend time with Tsuna, I had to spend time with Yamamoto too.

I didn't enjoy it, but I did enjoy the time with Tsuna.

And when we arrived home from that horrible fight with Daemon, I walked in on something I wish I never had.

I burst out of Tsuna's house, my legs barely able to keep me upright. I ran, not knowing where I was going, flashes of that moment filling my vision, the memory burned into my mind forever.

A flash of blue hair.

Heterochromatic eyes.

Lips meeting Tsuna's.

And when they pulled apart, Tsuna's smile.

Mukuro had taken Tsuna's heart. That arrogant jackass had stolen the man I had quietly loved for years.

It broke me.

A pair of strong arms caught me when I almost fell into a random house. I looked up to mumble thank you, only to freeze in place.

Yamamoto's face met mine, his brow furrowed in concern.

I was so heartbroken, I couldn't even think straight. Grateful to see a familiar face, I threw myself into his arms, gripping his body tightly.

Yamamoto obliged the hug, but I could tell he was wondering what had happened to make me this upset.

"Gokudera…"

I sobbed into his shirt. He awkwardly managed to pick me up bridal style to bring me into the house, away from the questioning eyes of passerby.

He sat down on the couch and tried to put me down, but I clung to him. I felt so weak and exposed. If I were in my normal mindset, I would _never_ do this.

I managed to gasp out what I had seen.

And Yamamoto pulled me tighter into his body, rubbing calloused hands soothingly over my back.

I cried for hours. After I finally started calming down, he looked at me with those amber eyes.

An emotion I couldn't place was burning in them.

"Gokudera, I can understand what you're going through. Loving someone who doesn't love you back, but still being there for them no matter what. And then seeing their heart stolen by another. It tore me apart too. It still tears me apart, especially when I see that person suffering."

"What the hell do you know, any girl would dump their boyfriend to date you, stupid popular baseball jock." I hiccupped, the sobs dying but still not completely gone.

Yamamoto laughed, but it wasn't his usual one. This one was sad, almost bitter.

"I never said it was a girl, did I."

I froze at that. Yamamoto, the most popular boy with girls in the entire school, was gay?

He leaned in closer to me, pressing his forehead against mine. I was too much in shock to move.

"I'm sorry, I feel like I'm taking advantage, but…"

His voice softened until it had entirely disappeared, and his lips were pressed firmly against mine.

It was my first kiss, and I couldn't move. My first kiss was being taken by the idiotic Rain Guardian?

But as the seconds passed, my eyes slid shut. I pressed my lips hesitantly back. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I had imagined for so long doing this with Tsuna, but now I couldn't get a certain baseball player out of my head.

The heat that spread through my body left tingles all over my skin. My heart was beating rapidly, and every point his body was touching mine burned with a feverish heat.

We parted, and I felt the heat in my cheeks.

I had enjoyed it.

Yamamoto's eyes shadowed as he pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I took advantage. I shouldn't have done that, regardless of how much I wanted it."

He set me down and started walking out of the room.

"You can spend the night; I don't want you spending tonight alone."

I watched as he walked out of the living room, curled up into myself, my fingers brushing my lips softly.

I still loved Tsuna; the pain in my heart made that obvious.

But maybe, maybe, something had just happened with Yamamoto too.

**This one will be multi-chapter. It's just something random I wanted to do, experimenting with the (implied) fact that Gokudera definitely loved Tsuna first.**


	2. Attraction

**Chapter 2: Attraction**

Finding the courage to stand up from that couch wasn't easy. I'm pretty sure I just sat there for two hours, staring at the door that Yamamoto had walked out of.

My heart was aching and my mind was torn. What Yamamoto had done had skewed my world again, sending it spiraling even faster into confusion.

While I still yearned after Tsuna's attention, even though I was royally pissed at Mukuro, I still couldn't forget that feeling in my heart when Yamamoto kissed me.

A few tears leaked down my cheeks as the memories of the kiss between Tsuna and Mukuro invaded my thoughts, but I quickly shook it aside. I let the memory of Yamamoto's desperate kiss overwhelm me instead.

I made my way slowly towards the kitchen, and found a plate of sushi on the counter, along with a note.

_Gokudera-_

_Here's some sushi in case you get hungry. Don't worry, it doesn't need to be refrigerated. _

_Blankets and pillows are in the hall closet to your right. Take as many as you want. You know where the bathroom is in case you want a shower._

_I'll be in my room if you need anything else._

_And I'm sorry again._

_~Yamamoto_

I picked up one of the pieces of sushi and took an experimental bite. While I could tell it was freshly made and good, it didn't appeal to me. I simply wasn't hungry.

I walked over to the hall closet and pulled out a pillow and a couple of blankets. As I dragged them back to the couch and curled into them, I realized that they smelled strongly of a certain baseball idiot.

I snuggled deeper in, letting the smell of grass and sunshine and something that was distinctly Yamamoto overwhelm my mind.

I needed to forget Tsuna. I needed to forget about him. He was no longer anywhere close to being mine.

That smile…

I inhaled the scent surrounding me deeply, letting it wash me away to sleep.

I just needed to forget.

That night, I dreamt of Tsuna again. But this time, Yamamoto was there too.

**REALLY short, I know, but the next chapter will be longer and from Yamamoto's POV.**

**Just so you guys know, this is an experiment. I rarely write in first person, so doing an entire Fanfic in it… well, let us see how it turns out, shall we?**


	3. Confession

**Chapter 3: Confession**

**This is from Yamamoto's point of view, lets see how it goes!**

**The rating has got kicked up to M because of Yamamoto being perverted. I am being more and more corrupted by my friends.**

I still can't believe the pain that Gokudera's been put through. When I held him in my arms as he was crying, I couldn't believe that Mukuro would do something like that to him. Or Tsuna either, for that matter.

The look on Gokudera's face, that completely broken look, broke me in turn.

He wouldn't let go of me. While normally I would be thrilled over something like that happening, the circumstances made me hate it. This wasn't my Gokudera. My Gokudera wouldn't hug me like that.

As he sobbed into my chest, I couldn't stop myself. I leaned in and pressed my forehead against his, watching as his eyes widened in shock.

"I'm sorry, I feel like I'm taking advantage, but…"

And then I pressed my lips to his.

Fireworks. Explosions of light. Tingles. _Everywhere._

As I pulled back, the horror of what I had done filled me.

I had just kissed Gokudera, even though he was only in my arms because he had lost Tsuna.

I set him down and walked out of the room.

I was filled with disgust at myself. I was just a horny pig, taking advantage of someone heartbroken because I loved them for years.

What the hell was wrong with me.

I went to the kitchen and began preparing sushi, using ingredients that didn't require it to be refrigerated. If Gokudera got hungry, then I wanted him to have something to eat.

I wrote and left him a note next to the plate, letting him know where I would be and where he could find pillows and blankets.

I nearly ran up to my room after informing Dad that Gokudera was staying over. I couldn't face Gokudera right now, not after the horrible thing I did.

I cried that night. The last time I had cried was when I had learned my mom had died.

I couldn't believe that I had simply fucked up that badly.

After tossing and turning for hours, I went down to check up on Gokudera.

He was curled into a ball, asleep. I felt a twinge pull at my heart when I noticed it was my blankets he was using.

Then I nearly slapped myself for being so stupid again. What was I doing, sleeping on a bed and leaving Gokudera to curl up on an uncomfortable couch?

I pulled him easily into my arms, cradling his head gently against my chest so he wouldn't wake up. He whimpered in his sleep, and shifted slightly in my arms.

I carefully carried him into my room and tucked him into my bed. He looks so beautiful like that.

His brow is ceased as he sleeps. Is he worrying about something? Is he having a bad dream? I can't help but wonder what I can do to make him feel better.

A soft moan escapes his lips as my fingers brush against his forehead, trying to massage the creases away. I feel his hips lift into mine, and I freeze.

Oh, that's why.

I feel a blush heat my cheeks at what's happening. I am embarrassed to be witnessing this.

But I can't stop my hand from trailing down and massaging at Gokudera's "problem".

It's weird, to say the least. I've only ever touched my own before, and I can't tell if what I'm doing is right. It feels different too, a little smaller and slimmer than mine.

His cheeks are flaring red, and he's panting now. His hips are unconsciously grinding into my hand. I can't believe he's still asleep.

I feel it tense in my hand, and wetness seep though the fabric as his breathing begins to slow.

I pull my hand away.

I can't believe I just did that.

What the hell is _wrong_ with me? I just keep taking advantage of him over and over.

His brow isn't furrowed now. Well, at least I helped a little.

I pulled out an extra futon and made myself comfortable on it. It was school tomorrow after all, and if Gokudera decided to go, then I would go too. Of course, if he decided against it, I would as well, but just in case, I needed some sleep.

My dreams were filled with Gokudera that night.

**Back to Gokudera's POV next chapter.**


	4. Awkward

**Chapter 4: Awkward**

**I'm at school right now. Let's see how awkward typing this is going to be :D**

I woke up, and felt a general stickiness in my groin area. I groan, realizing that I had, had a wet dream the night before.

As I sat up, I realized that I wasn't on the couch anymore. I was looking at a hell of a lot of baseball memorabilia.

Shit. _I was in his room._

I couldn't help but panic. I had just had a wet dream _in his bed. About him and Tsuna._

I bolted upright. I needed to clean myself off before he found out.

Of course, my abysmal luck wasn't going to help me out at all. Yamamoto walked into the room, a stack of pancakes balanced in his hand.

Shirtless.

Oh god, why does he have to be fucking shirtless?

"Hey Gokudera." His voice was soft, hesitant. As if he was a wounded puppy asking its master for more treats.

"I made you some pancakes."

I managed to maintain some of my dignity looking at the idiot, despite the fact that my brain was in full-blown panic mode.

"I didn't think you wanted to go to school today, so I sent Tsuna a text explaining you weren't feeling well and that I was taking care of you at my house, so he won't worry."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"Do you want the pancakes?" His voice was even softer than before.

"Uh, yeah…" I stuttered out awkwardly.

But of course, he split the stack between us and sat on the bed.

There was no way in hell I was escaping now.

We ate in silence, the stickiness of my boxers getting heavier and heavier as time passed.

Finally, finally, Yamamoto stood, taking the two plates.

"I'll go clean these up."

I was holding my breath as he started walking out the door.

But I was floored at his next words.

"I have some brand new boxers in the bottom left drawer. You can take a pair."

_HOW THE HELL DID HE KNOW?_

I sat there, stunned.

How did he know that I had a wet dream? Unless…

_Oh SHIT._

I must have done things in my sleep. And obviously, he had been the one to carry me to his room. His father wouldn't have.

_He knew._

I was frozen for another five seconds before I realized that taking advantage of Yamamoto's offer was probably a pretty good idea.

As I threw my stained boxers away and pulled on the new ones (slightly too big for me, but I'd take them), I realized then what Yamamoto probably thought of the dream.

That I was still desperately attached to Tsuna.

And I am, there's no doubt about that. My aching heart was telling me that much.

But when Yamamoto appeared in the dream, it got that much hotter.

I could have sworn that he was really touching me.

I shook my head. Of course he would never do something like that.

Except for in my dreams.

**Ah, Gokudera. You are so naïve.**

**Anyways, I'm not sure how long this will go on. But judging from where my mind is taking me, a lemon is going to be written. **

**Keep in mind that I haven't written a lemon before, and that I'm still a little uncomfortable reading them. So I'd appreciate the feedback.**

**I blame my hormones for this Fanfic, I really do.**

**Yamamoto and Gokudera will end up together, but of course, Gokudera's going to struggle with his love for Tsuna too. Let's see how this works :D**


	5. Explosion

**Chapter 5: Explosion**

**You are welcome for the following fanservice.**

**And I had to switch back to third person, I just love it so much better.**

"_Mito no shiawase yorokobizu JEALOUSY Gyaku ni ii koto tsuzukeba sou itsumo fuan de~"_

Yamamoto sang loudly as he rinsed the soap bubbles out of his hair. When he was finished rinsing his body off, he turned off the steaming water and stepped out, tousling his hair with a towel.

As he was in the middle of singing into a hairbrush, he heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll get it!" He called out, hoping that Gokudera wouldn't be tempted to open the door. Of course, the silver-haired teen was curled in Yamamoto's bed, not wanting to move out of sheer embarrassment.

The baseball player wrapped a towel around his waist and walked to the door. He opened it, sticking his head out.

"Hey, can you hold on a minute?" he asked cheerfully. His smile quickly fell when he noticed the two people standing on his doorstep.

"Uh, sure! Did you just get out of the shower?" Tsuna's face broke into a nervous smile.

"Yeah…"

The Mist Guardian was standing next to Tsuna, a black-clad leather hand around the younger's waist.

"Tsunayoshi-kun wanted to check on Gokudera, see if he was okay." The voice was smooth, and Yamamoto couldn't help but shudder a little at the words.

"Um, I don't think that'll be the best ide-"

"Who's at the door?"

Gokudera padded up behind him, holding the comforter from Yamamoto's bed around him.

When he caught sight of Tsuna and Mukuro, his face paled even more than before.

"Gokudera! How are you feeling?" The brunette ran towards his silver haired friend, the illusionist following closely behind.

"Um, Tenth, please don't come any closer-" Gokudera backed up, his emerald gaze locked on Mukuro's hand around Tsuna's waist.

The Italian stumbled backwards, tripping over the comforter. Tsuna tripped as well, but was saved from joining Gokudera on the floor by Mukuro's quick hands.

Tsuna glanced over his shoulder, a vivid red coloring his cheeks. "Thanks Mukuro! Gokudera, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm…" the word 'fine' died on his lips as Mukuro pressed his lips to Tsuna's cheek, setting the younger teen's face ablaze with blush.

Angry heat welled up in Gokudera. Without even realizing it, he was on his feet and his hand was connecting with Mukuro's face.

Mukuro's head snapped back, and both Tsuna and Yamamoto's eyes widened.

"_YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" _

The scream that left Gokudera's lips sent shivers through all of the boys present.

Tears were glimmering in Gokudera's eyes, and Tsuna was shocked at the amount of pain in the emerald eyes.

"I love you." Gokudera sobbed, his eyes only on Tsuna.

"But you never noticed. You never saw how much I wanted you. Instead this _murderer stole you away from me! _How can you love him? _HOW?"_

"Gokudera, please-"

"_NO. NO MORE."_

With that, Gokudera ran out the door, slamming it behind him.

Utter silence.

Then Yamamoto moved, grabbing a coat and a pair of pants, throwing them on, and running after the heartbroken bomber.


	6. Comfort

**Chapter 6: Comfort**

**It's been a while, no? But I'm back :D**

Gokudera ran as fast as he possibly could, trying to put as much distance between himself and Yamamoto's house as possible.

Away from Tsuna.

And Mukuro.

His hand was throbbing from the punch. But he couldn't bring himself to care.

All he could feel was his embarrassment at confessing to Tsuna. His anger at Mukuro for rubbing his relationship with Tsuna in his face.

He _hated _it.

He ran and ran until his legs gave out from under him. He fell, his body continuing its momentum and scraping up his arms, legs, and face on the concrete.

He didn't care.

He lay on the sidewalk, too enveloped in his suffering to care.

Blood began oozing out of the scrapes, staining grey cement red.

And he didn't care.

Gokudera found himself beginning to laugh. Of course Mukuro would want to rub it in his face. The guy was a sadistic jackass after all.

_So why does Tsuna love him?_

Gokudera could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks as he laughed hysterically.

Meanwhile, Yamamoto was searching frantically for the bomber, afraid that the smaller teen would be driven to do something drastic.

Blowing up a building. Killing someone.

Killing himself.

The mere thought unleashed all of Yamamoto's energy stores as he ran faster than he even had in his life, pushing his body to its limits to try and reach Gokudera in time.

The poor baseball player nearly tripped over the body in the middle of the sidewalk, and his blood ran cold at the sight of silver hair tinged with red.

"_Gokudera!"_

Yamamoto dropped to his knees, turning Gokudera over onto his back. Worried amber met emerald as Yamamoto instinctually pressed his fingers to Gokudera's neck, checking for a pulse.

Yamamoto breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the steady flow of blood pulsing through Gokudera's veins.

Gokudera looked up at the concerned baseball player with a tired, defeated smile on his face.

"Gokudera, are you okay?"

"What on Earth makes you think I'm okay?" the Italian's voice was tired and cracking from fighting back more tears.

Yamamoto pulled Gokudera into a tight hug, pressing the smaller body into his chest.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let them in, I should have sent them away. It's all my fault this happened…"

Yamamoto was surprised to feel shaking coming from Gokudera as the bomber wound his arms around the baseball player, returning the tight hug.

He was even more surprised when Gokudera pulled his face down to lock lips. The kiss was desperate, and it hadn't been initiated out of lust.

But it wasn't filled with love either.

The Rain Guardian broke the kiss.

"What-"

"I don't know!" Gokudera yelled. The poor bomber was emotional and mood-swinging like crazy.

"I don't know what I feel anymore! I love Tsuna, but, but, something's happening with you too! I'm scared, I'm confused, I'm hurt, I don't know what the hell is going on anymore!"

The whole situation had Gokudera spiraling more and more out of character, and it scared Yamamoto to death. He wanted his feisty little bomber back, not this person who was scared of his own shadow.

"Gokudera, just listen to me, please. I know you love Tsuna, and you're feeling so betrayed by him right now. I also know that I have _not_ been the greatest friend to you. Rather than trying to help you, I've been pushing my feelings on you. And I'm so sorry for that, I'll stop, I promise. But for now, we have to get you somewhere and clean up these scrapes. You're bleeding everywhere."

Gokudera just clung to the swordsman, and so Yamamoto picked him up bridal style, carrying him in the direction of Gokudera's apartment as the heartbroken and rejected teen cried into his shoulder.


	7. Unleashed

**Chapter 7: Unleashed**

**I totally vanished off of the face of the Earth. And I am SO. SORRY.**

**A LOT of shit has been happening lately, and I haven't been in a good place. Not to mention I've been so utterly busy with work and school. Hospital visits and drama and a relationship that began and ended all kept me away from writing Fanfiction.**

**I do intend to finish this Fanfiction, I promise. And I apologize again for the wait. ORZ**

Yamamoto carried the weeping Storm Guardian into the apartment, having fished out the keys from the smaller boy's jeans. Gokudera was beyond even noticing the baseball player's movements.

The two sat down together on Gokudera's small couch, the Italian still clinging to Yamamoto furiously. Tears were still running down his cheeks.

Yamamoto's hand came up and began brushing the tears away.

"Gokudera you have to let go. I have to clean you up, you're bleeding everywhere."

Sure enough, the baseball player's white t-shirt was staining red with blood. It wasn't as noticeable on Gokudera's black clothing, but his pale skin was smeared with the scarlet liquid as it continued to well from the deepest of the scrapes.

Unwillingly, Gokudera loosened his grip on Yamamoto. He proceeded to curl up into a ball and continue sobbing while Yamamoto dug through Gokudera's cabinets, pulling out a first aid kit.

The baseball player began gently cleaning and bandaging the multiple scrapes as best as he could with Gokudera in the fetal position, and quite unwilling to move.

Once he finished, he threw the soiled gloves away and sat next to the bomber, who had finally stopped crying.

"Gokudera, I'll stay here. As long as you need me to, I'll be here."

Slowly, almost brokenly, Gokudera loosened the tension in his body. He inched closer over towards Yamamoto, who wasn't noticing the Italian's movements.

"And I promise I won't kiss you again. Until you get this figured out, I'll back off. You don't need me pressuring you anymore."

Gokudera paused, his side almost touching the other.

"And I don't know what I'm going to do when I see Mukuro again. I was about to punch him too, but I was more concerned about you-"

Silenced.

Gokudera had pressed his lips gently against Yamamoto's.

Yamamoto reeled back in shock, breaking the kiss.

"Gokudera, you seriously don't have to push yourself like that-"

"Shut up."

The first words he had spoken in a while were hoarse, and still choked with tears.

"I…until you… just…" He looked away, tear-swollen eyes unable to meet Yamamoto's. The Italian swallowed hard, trying to force out the words that needed to be said.

"I thought about it. A lot. You, and Tsuna, and…" he sighed again.

"I still love Tsuna. That much is true. And I will love him for a while. But… it's fading. And being slowly replaced with… something else. For you." At this point, Gokudera's cheeks were scarlet.

"And I want… I want you to make me forget. The pain. Everything. Just make me forget."

Gokudera leaned in again and pressed his lips against the baseball players, letting out a small moan of pleasure when the kiss was returned.

Yamamoto felt his hand lace through the silver locks as he slowly gained dominance over the kiss. He pulled Gokudera's tongue into his mouth, sucking on it gently. Gokudera let out a pleasured moan and clutched at his body tighter.

They shared the kiss for a few more moments before Yamamoto broke it, pressing his forehead against the smaller teen's.

It took all he had to keep from continuing. But he knew that Gokudera wasn't ready, that it was too soon.

"You need sleep. You've had a horrible day."

Gokudera only nodded once before readjusting, curling up against Yamamoto's side.

"Uh, Gokudera, I kind of need to get-"

"No." was the curt response.

"Gokudera, I need to talk to Tsuna. He needs to know, and Mukuro will probably be tracking you down right now."

"No."

"Yes Gokudera."

"No."

"Gokudera, if this doesn't get resolved, it will only end very badly."

He was greeted with silence.

"Wait until I fall asleep."

Yamamoto nodded.

"Okay."

Once Gokudera's breathing had slowed to the point that Yamamoto knew the smaller teen was asleep, he let himself out of the apartment in search for Tsuna.

**I personally am not too happy with this chapter. But I hope it'll sate you guys until I can update again.**

**Some really angsty one-shots are probably going to be posted soon, if that's what you follow me for.**


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